Over five years ago I was guided by a consciousness that assisted me in the opening of my heart. I had the idea she was my mother in a previous existence or incarnation. She was releasing karma as she encouraged me to feel again in this lifetime. Then after a couple of months during meditation she announced, much to my surprise, that she was done with her job and she took leave of me. She also told me to expect new guidance.
This new guidance arrived the next day, when I was in the shower. I could distinctly sense the energy shift. I called him Oscar- Oscar Wilde. I am in the process of releasing this guidance now. Hold on to no guidance, Mila says, and I realize she is right. So this is in honor of you, Oscar- before you go.
"You cannot force development or evolution on people," Oscar would say, "I would not do that to anyone, not even myself." When I felt misunderstood by others, he'd say: "Cheer up, dear, just let it go. People always get upset when you insist on living your own life." Or: "You are a star in your own play, so don't forget to shine!" He always called me honey, love, dear, or "my sweet honeycomb". And when he had cheered me up and I felt grateful for this, he'd say: "Thank you my love, I too am impressed by my own observations."
When I told him I tried to control my thoughts and be more civilized, he exclaimed: "But you haven't been anything of the kind for years and years! You lovely creature, I simply adore the way you project your filth on the nilly-willies that surround you. Do not give up this wonderful habit yet, you'd spoil so much of the fun if you did." Now what kind of guidance is this? False god guidance, indeed - but what fun we had.
Looking back, I can see that I did learn from him. For it was my nature to adapt to others and to circumstances, and feel a prisoner as a result. Oscar taught me to take my freedom and not be bothered by anyone around me, no matter what. "There's no such thing as a ridiculous demand from anyone!" he said. All I had to do was ignore these demands and be free.
"Before you go, I will have one last conversation with you. For something bothers me about your charm and seduction."
"Yes dear, and you know what that is! You can see through me, you recognize the smooth talk, and yet you enjoy my company and presence so much that you do not mind."
"Exactly. At least, I did not, for years on end. For you would cheer me up, make me laugh, instead of cry or become angry. But is that a good thing in itself? Now I don't think so anymore. Now that I come to think of it, you are about entertainment, having fun, enjoyment, and all the personality entities associated. Those that treat life as a joke."
"You prefer life as a sorry creation?"
"This is all about inclusion of what serves and exclusion of all that does not serve ascension. Now what do you represent?
"I love myself."
"Yes, you do, but you do not honor the world around you."
"Neither did you, dear, neither did you."
"Yes, I can see that now, which is why I enjoyed your jokes. But since I began to honor myself and feel how much pain my body is in, and feel compassion for the state we are in as a species in this creation, you are not that funny anymore. I can see now that you are electrical. A space between consciousness of the dark. In many ways reading about Riza in the Self Study notes reminded me of you."
"Time to let go now, eh?"
"Time to let go. Now I have one more question. Do you have any idea where you will go?"
"As a matter of fact, I don't. Time is running out on me. So this will be the last of me? I bid you farewell, and do not cry my love. Now you can feel my state of forgetfulness like you never could before. Too bad."
Perhaps we can rewrite the end of Faust by adding a scene to the play. No more bargaining. No more debts to collect. The entire play ends in the command to uncast all forces that cannot ascend and thus the slates are wiped clean. And then all go home. Or is this an electrical fantasy?