The last few days I have been busy with the removal of all kinds of dreams from others who were in the process of manifestion on my manifestation planes, and I was told in a swing or two that I would have 16 curses in my system as well as 14 spells and 4 hexes. I never paid any attention to this possibility, but now I intend to get rid of them all.
Most of the curses were from sources I am unfamiliar with. A few hours after I started to work with the removal of these curses I started to feel uncomfortable. My daughter had gone to sleep and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do, but this feeling of discomfort remained. I thought it might be a good idea to go to the pendulum again and see what might be happening, but I didn't feel like using that thing then.
I decided to just sit a bit and perhaps I could find out what was causing this feeling of discomfort, but the feeling increased. Then I remembered something from my childhood and I linked it with something someone had just told me a day ago. This person had said: "So, you like leaving easy, right?" With that remark came all these thoughts about people needing to work hard in order to sustain life. That's what life is all about and all the things you do besides your work are trivial.
Alright, I am slightly exaggerating, but when I realized that my feeling of discomfort was triggered by the inherent sense or the prevalent thought form that you need to be busy with something in order to have a useful life. When I let this thought grow suddenly if felt that something in the middle of my chest opened up. I started to feel better soon and during a walk in the forest an hour later I was able to analyze this thought form a bit deeper.
Of course I am heavily influenced by the theory the SSoA offers and I tend to interpret certain matters from that perspective these days for it has proved to be quite a useful paradigm for me.
The thought form at hand is the thought form that says that you need to be occupied with something or else there is something seriously wrong with you. That something preferably is something external like working, eating, walking, talking, watching TV, playing games, reading books or newspapers and stuff like that. I guess there is a serious taboo on not 'doing' anything. It's like being at some big party and you are being asked what you are doing for a living. The answer, 'I'm not doing anything, really' is not a popular answer.
The fear of having to admit that you don't have a main activity that is being respected in society seems to be quite big in my opinion. At least I have been afraid to admit it in the past. In Dutch you have the standard expression that when you are not working, you 'sit at home'. It is just this kind of thinking that is behind the thought form I discovered today. To 'sit at home' stands for something like 'you are not useful for society and you are bored stiff and sit on the couch watching some TV and read some papers and you are wasting your life away while others take care of you'.
I have opted to work on my ascension process as my main vocation. Today I discovered that whenever I don't feel like using the pendulum or that I don't feel like working on my ascension process (besides the normal daily activities) I am not doing anything useful. I am 'sitting at home' in a sense then. I really felt the taboo on that this morning. I guess it is just this taboo that stops people from just sitting somewhere and tune inwards. The journey within looks like 'doing nothing' from the outside. Whenever people ask me: "What are you going to do tomorrow?", I might answer: "I intend to sit somewhere and enjoy my breath tomorrow".
Well, besides the birth of this realization the discomfort this morning also lead to the birth of something else and that is the birth of a name for my pendulum. Somehow I don't really like the word 'pendulum' and 'to pendulum' is an awkward verb for me as well. When you are working with this pendulum you are often working with the discovery of all kinds of manipulations within your field. This isn't always a funny thing to do. In order to add a little more joy to this process of uncovering manipulations through a pendulum I decided to call my pendulum 'Fred'.
Like the search engine called 'Ask Jeeves' I have my own search engine called 'Ask Fred' which can be accessed through my pendulum. The pendulum could be in contact with whatever moves the pendulum, ranging from Source, my ancestors, Mother Earth, to the Tao or whoever may decide to pop up in the future. The verb will be 'to fred' instead of 'To use my pendulum'. Although 'to fred' sounds a lot like 'to fret' I want to hold on to it anyway, even though 'fretting' isn't really a joyful term. I'm Dutch and for me the word 'Fred' has nothing but a funny connotation.
UPDATE APRIL 2006: I have become less enamoured with the use of Fred. You can read more about the backgrounds in turtle 30: Pendulum Dependency and Paranoia.
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