This Article was used in these articles:
- Meeting Myself (Turtle 42, May 2007)
Related essays:
VAGUENESS FATIGUE
After finishing the article on 'holographic genetics' (see above) I noticed that there was something not completely right about that article. It was written too fast and there were quite a few loose ends to the ideas proposed on that page. As far as most of my pages are concerned I sense some kind of 'relative truth' to the ideas mentioned. This means nothing more than that it makes sense to me at a certain period in my process.
Then I noticed some physical problem which activated all kinds of processes: perhaps this pain was the result of something going wrong in my ascension process? It is sure funny to see the immense creativity that surfaced: I imagined dozens of reasons and possibilities for this temporary ache and they were all neatly wrapped in ascension terminology. After a few weeks I noticed the real physical cause of the ache, and after changing my behavior, the ache vanished into thin air. Probably all of my ascension related possibilities were nothing but a product of my imagination.
Even though the causes of this physical problem were eventually quite physical it did trigger something in me that is rather useful: it made me realize that I am really starting to get fed up with all these possibilities and probabilities. A 'vagueness fatigue' emerged. Apparently I'm able to tune into certain matters and ideas at certain times, but I'm also able to tune into a load of creativity as well, which might not have much to do with any ascension reality.
TIME FOR A CHANGE
So, I decided to act on this insight. I don't want to invest too much time and energy into the 'big' issues because there is too much vagueness around. I don't want to play around with dozens of possibilities without being sure which possibility is the right one. I changed my focus and left the ascension process behind, at least for a while.
How to get more tuned into my own sources? I don't trust the pendulum, nor am I inclined to just blindly follow the teachings of Mila. I like to present possible constructs that are presented by the people who add their ideas to the site, but I cannot be sure what is more likely and what is not. I have diverged from the SSOA-perspective during the last couple of years and that still feels completely right, but I have to admit that both the SSOA-perspective and the perspective that we have developed at this site lack elements or contain elements that make it difficult to progress. Somehow there are certain limitations in the theories that make it hard to develop a thorough theory that explains it all, or at least quite a lot more that either theory does.
I decided to focus on what I could call 'dreamtime fitness', which means that I have started to train myself into becoming more aware of my dreamtime activities. By means of intentions and discipline I am trying to improve the connections with my cellular awareness through the dreamtime planes. I hope to learn to create abilities to tune into the various parts of my self through pure will. I envision the development of a kind of sensitivity that will allow me to connect to either my cellular awareness, my intuitive/emotional awareness or my soul group (or the dreamtime body, the creative aspects).
Before I can move on with anything related to biological ascension I need to patch up the connections within. Only when I establish a reasonable 'circuitry' between the various intraselfular parts does it make sense to explore ascension further. I'm glad to notice that the plain intents to remember dreams and to wake up before the clock starts beeping are sufficient to actually make these things happen. I would like to develop the ability to shift between dreamtime awareness and waking awareness whenever I feel like it.
It's like going back to primary school after the 'advanced' academic ascension education. Right now I believe that the keys to open up a clear communication line between the various parts are stored in dreamtime. Through disciple and consciousness training I hope to represent more of myself when I write. I don't want to be a 'guesser' any more: I want to simply ask and get a clear answer from a source that is clear as well: no more web of possibilities as far as the contents and origins are concerned, just pure answers. If the rational/mental body was designed to interpret all other bodies, it is time to restore that ability. Ascension can wait for a while: first things first.
Gibbon,
April 2007
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