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INTRODUCTION
This turtle comprises a few topics. The main topic however deals with some joyful signs of intraselfular communication which I want to share with you. But first a few other thought forms that I have found to be hampering my process.
FALSE ASCENSION JOY
Ever since I started with this route 66 called 'Biological Ascension in the Mila mode' I felt more joyful. I felt bigger than life, realizing what really was going on in this world. How I could be a part in this all, connecting our ancestral past with the current state of affairs through active intentional work and karma clearing. With the pendulum sword as the guiding tool to cut through truth and distortion. Wasn't I truly a Knight of the Ascension Order battling my way towards boddhisattvian harmlessness resonating in 9000 feet per second?!
Yes, I told my dear friends how wonderful I felt, especially when I started to walk this ascension path. Whenever I noticed something was awry, I just picked up my pendulum and I sensed what was wrong and I intended it back into the right order. So, the natural result was a life filled with borderless joy, brimming with happiness in a constant flow of growth and increasing insights.
I have lived in this mode for about three years and these years really were rather fabulous, until I opened up to the possibility that perhaps I was so caught up in my ascension bliss that I failed to listen to other signs. I have realized that I was afraid to listen to these other signs because of two main reasons: I didn't want to hear it myself, nor was I willing to show anything but joy towards my friends and family.
Ascending initiates are quite harmless and they don't swear. They don't say 'Fuck off' or have wild sexual fantasies and they are not allowed to walk around like a zombie for a week or two. Depression and laziness is not a part of the ideal progam, at least these were the thoughts that I was unconsciously harbouring. It wouldn't fit an ascending person to be easily upset, angry or verbally aggressive towards others. Oh dear, that would sure be a sign of distortion taking over and indeed, a sign of false gods or Anu ancestors on the attack!
I have finally realized that I am a human being in this world with all the range of emotions that are part of this game. This fear of showing this 'untidy' behavior because of this ideal of ascending harmlessness created a rather delusional reality perspective. I'm glad that I was able to realize this and indeed walk around like a irritating asshole (L. ;o)) for a while. It was also nice to say to certain friends that I really feel lousy sometimes and that I wake up and admit that I feel drained occasionally.
TRUE ASCENSION JOY
It was only after I realized the tendency to pretend to be in state of ascension joy that I started to feel more real. I allowed myself to feel down for a while, without any apparent reason. I didn't feel the compulsive need to check every fart that sounded distorted. I just started to feel more like myself and that was great. And I'm glad to notice that this new state of being gives me a lot of joy as well: I'm not too often angry or irritated, down or depressed. I still feel quite good and I enjoy my path which has become more down-to-earth and big-airy-belly-real to me.
THE USE OF SPIRITUAL NAMES
This recent development has led me to have clear thoughts on the tendency of many within the metaphysical community to use all kinds of spiritual names. I have been told that at the SSOA-conclaves you can witness a lot of 'I-am-Unity'- email addresses on the lists of visitors. Somehow people have the inclination to remove their own name and make up some 'airy-fairy' name. I remember a woman who didn't want to called by her real name anymore, but she wanted to be named 'Hakuna Mutata' (perhaps see Wikipedia).
Although I can respect the desire of people to feel stronger and more confident by tuning into something 'finer and less harmless' by using another (airy fairy) name or email address, for me it has become a sign to also disrespect your own name and the person who you really are here on our ascending planet. You risk identifying yourself too much with such a name.
This will only become a serious problem when you encounter all kinds of dirt, sinful tendencies and other darkness within. The clash between the airy-fairy (fake) identity and this smelly karmic ancestral disortion may become a big problem that can really crack you up. For if you are rigorously holding on to this airy-ascendy-identity you may prefer not to look at the darkest sides within (see I Would Prefer not to).
BEING HARSH ON MYSELF
Perhaps you remember that I have tried to make contact with what I have dubbed 'intraselfular' parts. I have nearly turned bananas myself the last couple of days because of something related to this strong intention. A while back I removed the pendulum and after the recent Quan Yin response and a Greek email interaction I realized my tendency to respond to others, instead of creating completely from within.
I was already trying to focus on this communication within (see Dreamtime Fitness) so the pressure on myself and my own finely tuned communication with myself mounted. I even got slightly frustrated with the vagueness of some dreamtime symbols that I woke up with. I didn't really know which events around me could be considered mirrors and which were nothing but physical meaningless events. I was asking myself all kinds of questions and got nothing but a few thoughts back, which could be interpreted in all kinds of ways. During these days I also received an email from oKa in which she told me about the necessity to pendulum (see Articles by Oka). She also informed me about her impressive web site that she launched in april/may 2007 (see Raising Maldek).
I was on the verge of constructing a new pendulum when some sense of fear was added to the whole as well. I was however unable to find the necessary thread to make anew pendulum. That's why I decided to intend the removal of the origin of this fear and I also stressed something that I had discovered a few days before, namely to end the relentless pressure I was putting on my mental body to force it into communication with other intraselfular parts.
My desire to have a pendulum-free communication with myself had resulted in blaming and 'whipping' my mental body for not being able to produce the required results. If you, however, believe your mental body to have the role of central translator for the other subtle bodies (and soul group, physical body) and you believe that it is this 'aligned mental body' that is the starting point for all endeavours, you create very unsound conditions by 'condemning' it for not being able to communicate properly. You are in essence blaming the key part of your own waking awareness.
This resulted in an intra-mentular (if you can still follow me...) conflict, or to put it in more common psychological terms, it led to cognitive dissonance. After I realized that I was so harsh on my mental body I decided to become more patient and loving towards it. After all, you couldn't expect it to have a smooth communication with all intraselfular parts in a month or two?
MEETING MYSELF
After all these days of chaos I woke up this morning with a horny feeling that occupied my mind completely. After a while I decided to sit on my couch and then something interesting happened: I was suddenly flooded with all kinds of creative thoughts, completely unrelated to the erotic content from the early moments. I was tempted to now become one with this thrilling flow of creativity, but my mind was still aware of this shift from the horniness towards the creativity. What was all this about?
I decided to pull out of the creativity mode as well and just ponder the differences: was I having two or perhaps three mental bodies, all thinking completely different things? Then another thought entered my mind: was I perhaps sensing my creative body and have I perhaps been tuned into some part of my physical body earlier? When I opened up to the consequences of this idea I got emotional: would this really be the first signs of my mental body's capacity to tune into the creative body and the physical body? For now, I will take the bet that this is what happened.
Although I only noticed this possible communication with my creative or physical body afterwards, I feel confident that I will one day be able to activate the contact when I (my waking awareness) feel like it. I like the FT-concept that says that by training you will develop something like 'neural (semi-etheric?) networks' to the various intraselfular parts. I look forward to this, perhaps there will come a time with my waking awareness is able to shine its light on everything that I am, in a harmonious (pendulum free) interchange of information and joy.
Gibbon (my 'airy fairy' name)
May 2007
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