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To Worship Attractive Women
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Recommended Reading:
INTRODUCTION
A while ago I met a woman whom I hadn't seen for years. We studied together at the university more than a decade ago. We decided to go for a drink together next week and this felt okay. It was only until today that I noticed something going on in my 'belly region'. It was the familiar compass telling me that it was time to sit down and go within. It took me some time to finally find the moment to relax and close my eyes. It wasn't easy to tune into the reason for this feeling, but there was some movement after I managed to find the right thoughts that were probably expressing that what the other parts of myself where trying to get across.
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
The first element that I uncovered was about my approach to certain beautiful women. You need to know that this woman really was one of the most beautiful girls in my year. I realized how I tended to actually 'worship' beautiful girls. Somehow there was this natural 'thought-form' that said that if I was around beautiful people I must be 'beautiful' as well. If someone that beautiful would consider me worthy enough to speak to, I must indeed be worthwhile. I now realize the extreme dependency upon those girls.
Somehow I just stepped into the role of 'slave' and tried to do my best to make her like me. This must be too familiar for most of you reading this page. It was sad for me to realize how much power I simply handed over to someone else, mainly because she was attractive. Tonight I decided to end all the energetic exchanges of this kind.
SPIRITUAL FLIRTING
So I continued and thought that these women must somehow put a spell on those other people around them with their looks. I tried to undo the spells and imagined how nice it would be if I could just be around attractive people without the need to lower myself in such a dependent position. This was all very nice, but another element showed up during this 'walk within'.
As I was kind of 'blaming' the attractive ones for putting spells into my system, I realized how many spells I must have placed into the fields of others. One of my favorite ways to attract other people was to 'show off' with my 'spiritual wisdom'. I was making a spiritual web and was waiting for people to get caught in it. I was pretending to be a person with an elevated point of view on life who had deep insights into the various realms of existence, touching upon many layers of subconscious and unconscious wisdom.
I tried to imagine how many of my ancestors, and especially those actually carrying true spiritual wisdom, have abused their knowledge to 'spiritually' impress others in order to catch them in their field and to either feel better because of the tapping of their energies, or because of being able to 'bask' in their beauty and youthfulness.
CONCLUSION
I'm glad I went through these thoughts for I hope it gives me the opportunity to end the dynamics that I have described above. I prefer to be in someone's presence - even if it is an attractive presence - without the need to act smaller and dependent and without the need to use 'spiritual flattery' to put someone else in a 'spell'. Would it be 'spiritual flattery' if I told her this story?
Well, anyway, I intend to just be there with my field as it is, as sovereign and harmless as I am able to be now. I think that I would even be able to remain unaffected when she would insist that she speaks the ultimate truth and that penduluming is a necessary tool to ascend (see Knowing vs Exploring).
;-)
Gibbon,
January 2007
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